i'm feeling

pretty depressed. i don't know why.
i guess i feel like i'm wasting my summer away doing what i'm doing. while my friends are out partying, going out, doing something beneficial, i'm just wasting my life doing nothing. doing the same thing over and over again. i don't know. i just feel... depressed. who's down to help?

my day.
i did the same thing. period. just a different errand with a different person to start the day. then the same process repeats itself.
i need 18 dollars for a phone card.
unless anyone has one to Taiwan that i can use.



24 days left in an hour and 8 minutes.
time inches down so slow.

i'm not

fading. i don't intend on letting it happen. i've blocked most girls out of my life with the exception of 3, maybe 4. so trust me (:
sides. i'm pretty sure no one else can sweeep me off my feet like you :P
i was really glad to hear your answer today. that made my day even though i got a little pissed later. it just made me feel good (: thanksss!

so today. same ol' same ol'. woke up, phoned a bit, gymmed it up. made some makeshift casedeas (sp.) went to js to wait for my brothers car, got a little pissed off at my friends attitude cuz he was tired. i left so i wouldn't say anything, then we went to get erics car.
after picking it up, my friend kevin text me telling me to go to AI with him. i was like, i'm in the are anyways, might as well go. SORRY KAYYY ): I HOPE YOU'RE NOT JEALOUS, MAD, OR SAD ): HE WON'T REPLACE YOU. I PROMISE! (:
ANYWAYS. we played some ddr, chilled at AI. nothin special. after this i headed back to JS to get some foood. i was STARVINGGGG ): i was supposed to save that money for a phone card ): i have absolutely no money right now its ridiculous (happy rebeccah? -_-)... i'll find 30 dollars somehow (:
but i ate Jack in the crack to save some money. bought 4 tacos and 2 chicken sandwiches. dude i swear Jack in the crack is turning cheap. they had no refrigeration/ice in their drink machine, their tacos we're like half cold and gross -_- it was f-ing disgusting.
after this i was craving an Arizona Sweet Tea (fuckin jon), so i walked to 7-11 and bought one assuming it'd be $1.04 like everywhere else. BUT I GUESS NOT. friggin 7-11 sells theirs for $1.14. stupiddd omg. after this, we just chilled a bit. same as always, nothin special.
well that concludes my dayy pretty much. my mood kinda fluctuates. up and down, but more along the down side. hopefully it gets better right?

by the way. sorry i couldn't stop you sooner. i wish i could've. then none of this would've happened for you. i know you're probably gunna say its not your fault, but i feel like it is. after all, i am the one who corrupted you mostly. if not mostly then A LOT.. i think so atleast.
sorry. i'm glad things are better for you though.

25 left in 18 minutes. lets do this, we can make it work.
i miss you so muchh ):

i look

at the stars every night when i come home now. i don't know why, its not just because i love doing it. i just feel... hopeful i guess? personally i'm not depressed anymore. but i just feel so miserable.

i wish i could help you, i really do. i'd give up everything to see you smile. its been a while since i've seen one, or gotten one from you. i wish i could go there just for one day and give it my best, but i can't. i hope things do get better for you, somehow. just look at the brightside? whatever it is.

but basically.
fuck my life.
everything is my fault and i know it. fuckkk i'm such a screwup.

i guess i'll post my day.
woke up this morning at 9, like the usual. i was expecting to go to the dealership cuz my brother asked me to go with him today, but he wasn't home. apparently his phone was dead so i didn't reach him at all. i ended up just sitting here like usual, borred as hell. after like 2 hours or so, the brother came home. i offered to take his car to the dealership and get the checkup for him so i could drive his car. guess what? i did. i drove his car all dayyy. scoree :D
i went to JS at like 1ish... my friend who was going with me to the dealership didn't get off work till 5, so i decided to wait. after walking around for a bit, i decided to go kick it with crystal.
when i got to crystals, i pulled up in front of her house waiting and her brother and his friends were just staring at me. i parked the car and got out because crystal was taking a bit longer than i thought and one of his friends was like "nice car." this kinda made me feel nice inside. i dunno, i just liked the compliment even though it wasn't my car. then my bubble burst when he said "i drive a white one." fail huh? LOL. oh well.
so i picked crystal up and we went to redbox to rent a movie. we watched Hancock. the movies not bad, but i don't get it really. theres a bunch of questions i have for it, like is it a drama or action or comedy? i really don't know. this killed like, 2 hours and it was perfect timing to go back and pick up my friend.
so i picked up my friend, went to the dealership to find out the mechanic just left. FML right? oh well. whatever. atleast i got his car all day. just now, i have to go back tomorrow morning and get that checkup.
after this fail, we went to puente hills mall cuz i had to buy some jeans. so me and jon walked into forever 21 and i knew he felt kinda awkward LOL. it was pretty funny. we split up and he ended up walking back outside and just sitting. me on the other hand though, i was looking for size 25 jeans. this worker (shes a teenage girl around 19 or so i think) asked me if i needed help. and i asked her if they had size 25 jeans. she was nice enough to try and help me. she also pointed out where all 3 normal color jeans are. while we were walking towards the black ones, i had a very strong urge to tell her. "this is kinda awkward LOL. you're helping me shop for girl jeans and i'm asking for help." but i ended up not saying it.
so i tried on the jeans, the waist felt perfect, but the legs were too skinny so i didn't buy it. i'm gunna try the size 30 guy jeans and see how they are. thing about these jeans is, the moment i tug on them like down, or anythnig tugs them down, they fall instantly LOL. but they're nice and comfortable.
anyways, i paid for the jeans and i was sweating like MADDD. it was so friggin hot in forever omg -_-. it was so gross. the lady packed the jeans in a NEON PINK bag LOL. i was like. this isn't gay at all LOL. it was pretty funny to me and jon. not everyday you see a guy wearing yellow walk across the mall holding a neon pink bag right? strawberry banana FTW.
so we drove back, ate some ramen, and just chilled. nothin special. now i'm sitting here posting on this thing feeling pretty depressed.

i hope you feel better. it kills me just hearing about you depressed. i'd be pretty devastated to see you like this when you come back =/. i'm here if you need me. trust me when i say things will get better. you just gotta believeee. and if you're not believing, well i believe it for you. hopefully it works just the same.

28.
happy day 11. (:

i fail

at life.
fuckkk.

growing

sick and tired of my parents bullshit excuses. i've lost all my respect for my parents.
i just wish i had a chance atleast once in my life. a chance to say what i think and for them to accept it, a chance to prove myself. a chance to hear a real reason of why i can't so something.

i've set a goal for myself.
fight until i get that chance.

btw. taiwan plan failed. i'm not going to taiwan
30 days to go. sorry i can't make it there.

taiwan

to visit her? thinking about it. hope the parents say yes.

one - ups and downs.

mm guess i thought i'd conform a little bit and follow the hype? i'll post every now and then. who knows.
so today was my brothers birthday party, it was whatevers i guess. i'll start with the beginning. went to get my schedule this morning, me and my brother decided to carpool. after, we had to go pick up his girlfriend, which made me sit in the backseat of his car while they sit in front. thirdwheeel to the maxx -_-. i was kinda scared too. brother drove with 1 hand, manual, (his left hand driving and shifting) while his other hand just HAS to hold winnie's hand. pretty safe right? -_-. oh well, we went to eat chopchop grill but i didn't feel good so i didn't eat. head home and i sit there.
i think its funny how i always manage to find something to bug me. some of you know already, i'm not getting a new car anymore because my parents are fucking liars. its just getting to me more and more each day. pretty sad huh? i feel like a spoiled brat, but i feel like i have a reason to be. am i so wrong? whatever, my parents are starting to piss me off more day by day. what a perfect family.
after sitting home for a couple hours, we went back to JS. pretty big highlight of my day seeing how i got to drive my brothers car there and back. that made my mood pretty happy :D plusss. i already got to talk to her and yeah :D.
back to my house, party started. i spent my brothers whole birthday party sitting in my room with a couple friends watching movies, and talking to you. yeahh. what a great birthday :D. i kinda felt bad though. there was like 4 different groups, 1 upstairs with me watching tv, 1 downstairs watching tv, 1 playing mahjong, and 1 just chilling outside. which group was my brother in? well, he was in his room with his girlfriend fighting. pretty awesome 21st birthday right? they went into the jacuzzi later and i was like... maybe i should get off the computer and join them, but when i found out it was just him and his girlfriend i was like "EPH THAT MANNN. I AIN'T GUNNA BE THIRD WHEEL AGAIN." so i ended up not going into the water at all LOL. phail.
oh well, i guess today had more joyful parts than sad parts :D

only 30 more days till she comes back.
i miss you ):

edit: oh yeah. i forgot to say. i know what shits goin on. but you're overreacting. i have my reasons, but thats only part of the reason why things have been going this way. that's all i'll say for now.